Too Long To Tweet

Ann & Me

“This isn’t about whether Ann Romney or I or other women of some means can afford to make a choice to stay home and raise kids. Most women in America, let’s face it, don’t have that choice.”— Hilary Rosen

“I made a choice to stay home and raise five boys. Believe me, it was hard work.” “I’ll be with @marthamaccallum this morning at 10:40 discussing Hilary Rosen’s comments. All moms are entitled to choose their path.” @AnnDRomney

Wait, hold up, a bit there, Ann, I thought it was us liberals who were all hung up on entitlement. I kid, I kid. Ann and I have a lot in common- we both made the same choice, to be stay at home parents. Obviously I think it’s a great choice, but I am a little perplexed by the media twisting this as an attack on stay at home moms. No one’s saying Ann Romney should have got a job- what they are saying is that Ann Romney, though designated as her husband’s ambassador to women, doesn’t seem to have a grip on some of the tough choices most families face. I feel her- our annual family income may be just a little less than her weekly income, but still, I definitely was entitled to choose that path. Lots of family help and part time work and possibly ill-advised forbearance on my student loans helped smooth that path for me just like Ann Romney’s millions so I get that I don’t really know what it’s like for a lot of families.

All that said, my hackles get raised sometimes when people go on the warpath in defense of stay at home moms. It’s not that I don’t think stay at home moms work hard or have value and it’s not that I don’t think there are idiots who think we just eat bon bons and watch Days of Our Lives who should shut it- it’s that I think convincing idiots stay at home moms have value is not our top battle. I saw on Twitter the other day someone claiming PRESIDENT OBAMA is actually the one who never worked a day in his life, so I am pretty sure that even if stay at home moms were also coal mining heart surgeon astronauts in their spare time some jerkstore would question our hard work/value to society. I don’t think that jerkstore speaks for most people, though- most people I know recognize all parents and all people work hard. I think that’s a fake argument that avoids the real issues. (In less charitable moments, I think some of the people who are complaining that stay at home moms aren’t valued would only be satisfied if every woman stayed home to show that it was the Best Choice For All Women.)

What are the real issues? Ann Romney hasn’t asked me (but she should! Call me, we’re totally in the same boat, let’s chat) but if she did ask what issues her husband could address to show his support for the choices of stay at home moms, this is what I’d tell her:

• Improve public education.Now, granted, Ann Romney made the choice to send her kids to a fancy private school. But I suspect even the local public schools in Belmont are a little better performing than my local school in Van Nuys. Ann Romney had educational “choices” for her children that were far superior to those I have for mine. I’m in the thick of navigating my public school choices for kindergarten, and it is disheartening and grim. Many of my friends choose to go back to work to pay for private elementary education.  Many other families, of course, can’t afford private tuition even with two working parents. And I don’t think they should have to- as a parent, I want a decent public education for my kids. As a person, I want a decent public education for all children. My husband likes to say that “these people will be taking care of us in our old age” and I think that’s true.
• Keep ObamaCare.Our family is one of the lucky few that has done fine under our previous healthcare system- I can choose to stay home with my kids because my husband has good health insurance through his job. But, you know, if he lost his job we would be in big, big trouble. If you want to support women (or men)’s right to choose to stay home with their kids, reverting to a health care system that is fully based on employer-provided healthcare cuts a lot of those families off at the knees.
• Knock it off with the Planned Parenthood bashing.And birth control in general. I think it is totally great and wonderful that the Romneys had five kids. I support their right to have a family of whatever size they want. But not every family wants five children. And some families want five children but maybe want to space them out. And letting women- and their partners and doctors- choose their method of family planning seems the most respectful of their choices. 

Anyway. As a stay at home mom, those are my issues. Curious to know what yours are, whether you are a stay at home mom or not. Ann Romney, women’s economic adviser, needs to know.

• 1 month ago
• 2 notes

Politics with Nathan

“Who is that?” (in the New Yorker)
“Rick Perry.”
“He looks sad.”
“Well, he is not going to be president.”
“He just has to be a normal person?”
“No, he is still governor of Texas.”
“But he wanted to be governor of [pointing at his chest] California?”
“No, he wanted to be president of the whole United States.”
“But Obama is already doing that. I like Obama a little good. More than Rick Perry.”

• 3 months ago
• 0 notes

laAn Email To Chick-Fil-A I Just Sent

Hello Chick Fil A!

As a long time fan of your fine chicken biscuits and customer service and a committed supporter of equal marriage rights for all, the opening of the Northridge, CA Chick-Fil-A has left me with a bit of an ethical dilemma.  While I fully support your rights as a company to maintain your own values and find many of the values your company stands for admirable, your company’s contributions to discriminatory groups are hard for me to support. In fact, your opposition to marriage infringes on my own religious beliefs- my church’s minister was only briefly able to marry several members of our congregation (members who, I might add, have had longer committed relationships than many heterosexual couples I know- they could perhaps teach a thing or two about commitment to us all) while gay marriage was legal in California. It’s very hard for me to enjoy a chicken sandwich, even one that is served in such a sparkling clean restaurant by friendly employees, knowing that the money I spent on that chicken is being used to fight basic civil rights.

So I’ve come up with a compromise that salves my conscience somewhat. For every Chick-Fil-A visit my family makes, I will contribute an amount equal to what I spent at Chick-Fil-A to Equality California in your name. This morning we enjoyed two chicken biscuits, two regular biscuits, two coffees, a juice and a bottle of water. We had two free breakfast item coupons so our total came to just under $10, however, I included the cost of the free items and rounded up so I just donated $15 to Equality California. I figure you don’t donate every dollar that comes in (what kind of business model would that be?) so for this transaction, at least, justice comes out ahead.

I wish your company the best but I do hope you consider looking for charitable groups that don’t discriminate for your philanthropic endeavors. There are many worthwhile causes we can all agree on and much we have in common.

Best,

Hannah Spector

• 5 months ago
• 6 notes

Well the ladies DO love cool James

James has this thing where sometimes he loves everyone (I mean literally, we’ll be walking through the grocery store and he’ll be all, “That lady! I love that lady!”) and sometimes he cannot stand for anyone to look at him.

It is a bit awkward at the park because some unsuspecting child will glance at James and he’ll fling himself to the ground. “THAT GIRL LOOK AT ME! I NO LIKE THAT GIRL!” (That baby is worse, because, come on.) I have explained to him a million times that part of the deal with going out in public is that you can’t control other people looking at you, but that is tough for his little two year old self to handle.

Today in the car I hear from the backseat, “People! Those people looking at me! I no like those people.” “People in the other car?” I ask. “No, those people on the billboard.”

“James,” I explain. “Those people are not real. But you are going to have to deal with it. You are a very cute child, and people everywhere love to look at you.”

“I no like ladies. Ladies look at me.”

“That is because they love you, James. It is such a fact that one person named James changed his name to LL Cool J, because ladies love cool James. You can’t get around it.”

“They love me?”

“Yes, they love you.”

“Awww, they love me.” And with that he hugged himself. And hopefully he will remember it because there is nothing more embarrassing than your two year old screaming at some sweet infant “I NO LIKE THAT BABY!”

• 8 months ago
• 0 notes

Bonus reason to go to church

One of James’ many, many toddler eccentricities is a passion for wearing band aids, whether medically necessary or not. He insisted on sporting a big bandaid on his forehead this week which was fine. Not so fine was the bandaid schmutz left on his eyebrows when he tired of it.

He is a very blond child, and despite scrubbing he was left with black grey eyebrows for several days. I had started to despair of it ever wearing off and instead started teaching him to say “no more wire hangers!” when we went to church today. The nursery teacher suggested rubbing some lotion on it and then washing it off. And it totally worked!

Church is not just good for your spiritual growth, it helps keeping your children from looking like total dirty joan crawfordy street urchins.

• 8 months ago
• 0 notes

Have Maybe Been on Weight Watchers Too Long

We’re driving, and Nathan’s being kind of four-year-oldish, so James helpfully shouts out “Bacon! Bacon bacon bacon bacon, Nathan, you want to eat some bacon?”

Nathan four-year-olds back at his kid brother and I say, “Well, Mommy would like some bacon.”

James: “NOOOO! Mommy not eat bacon. Mommy eat SALAD.”

• 9 months ago
• 0 notes